Just horsing around

I've already asked a couple of you the following thought experiment. Since the last thing I want to do is bore you (1), if you've already heard my hypothetical involving a horse please skip ahead. For the rest of you, here goes:

You are having a conversation with your significant other (if you're single, you can perhaps substitute a parent or beloved grocery worker). Suddenly, he/she(2) morphs, before your very eyes, into a horse. This is not something that you would ever, ever believe, except that you actually watched it happen. Obviously, you wouldn't still love him/her because, well, he/she's a horse(3). But my question is, what do you do with the horse? Do you simply sell it? Most of us have neither the appropriate experience nor residence to own a horse. And yet it's not just any horse, it's your loved one. So do you try and move someplace where you can own a horse? Do tell.

I think my first reaction would be to sell Vanessa (4). I would tend to blame her for turning into a horse. That may sound harsh, but people don't just randomly change species. I would assume that she somehow did something to deserve it. Yet in the end I would somehow keep her. I can't promise that I wouldn't move on and try to find a human to settle down with, but if she spontaneously turned into a horse she could just as easily change back. Horses have drastically different lifestyles than people, and I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't there to give her some clothes and to help her re-adjust to life as a human.


I saw the new Rocky movie on Sunday. I was disappointed. I can't articulate exactly why, but I left the theater feeling unsatisfied(5). The movie was not terrible. If you were planning on seeing it, you should know that most people seem to like it, so don't be swayed by my opinion.


I've made just one new year's resolution: to better manage my time. Everything I want to accomplish stems from that. I generally don't like new year's resolutions, but I remembered that the most successful one I've ever made was also the only one I made that year. I thought I could try it again. If you ask me what it was, I may tell you. And I may not.


This story cracked me up. It seems that twenty-five percent of Americans believe it is at least somewhat likely that Jesus Christ will return to Earth in 2007. 11 percent of those surveyed said it is "very likely". 42 percent said it was "not at all likely." Where do these people get their confidence? I would very much enjoy watching a debate between one of the "very likely" people and one of the "not at all likely" crowd. I would be absolutely fascinated to hear their reasoning as to whether Christ will specifically be back in '07. You can count me among the only 8% of people who said they had no idea.



1. Actually, the last thing I want to do is hurt someone I love, or die, or be responsible for the deaths of many. I could go on. I'm pretty sure that boring you is more like the 203,487th thing I want to do. I don't know where these expressions come from, but they are frequently amusing (to me, anyway).

2. I mean 'he/she' in the sense of "either he or she" and not in the hermaphroditical sense. Though, if that's what does it for you, you're free to interpret it that way.

3. Or more precisely, because he/she is an animal. The exact species of the animal is irrelevant (I would hope).

4. Hopefully, for a lot of money if selling her would actually be my real choice. Thus, I would wish that Vanessa' diabetes would not cross species- it might drive down the value of the horse. I would, though, like the horse to have pink cheeks. The novelty factor might increase its value.

5. A simple Snickers bar, if the old commercial is to be believed, would have solved that problem. Stupid me.