Thursday, December 21, 2006

The dentist and Jeffrey Dahmer

If I ever have to hire a professional torcherer, there are very few locations that I might provide him to do his work where, after my asking "Is there anything else you need?" he replies, "Actually, no. This is perfect." One such place is a dentist's office. That is probably why I hate going to the dentist. It is definitely why I opt out of the laughing gas when I have a cavity filled. I rather dislike the thought of lying helplessly in an adjustable, swiveling chair designed to increase the torque with which a person might pull out my teeth.

You might be thinking that I'm paranoid, that I have no reason to suspect my dentist and her older-than-average dental hygentists wish to do me great harm. True. But I would point out to you that if Jeffrey Dahmer had worn a "Likely to rape, kill, and eat you" shirt (or even a "Moderately likely to rape, kill, and eat you" shirt) his victims would still be alive. My point is that you cannot always spot a crazy person who wants to do you harm. Next time you get a cavity feel free to tempt fate. I will not.


Vanessa won $17 dollars playing bingo the other night. The jackpot was $100, but, unfortunately, there were several other winners that game. She feels cheated because she "thinks" that she used up her only chance to win. I tried to point out to her that games of chance don't discriminate between previous-winners and non-winners. She was not persuaded. Whatever. Please congratulate her on her win. Or if you believe absolutely that all forms of gambling is a sin, let her know that she is going to hell.


You know you want to. Pimp my nutcracker.


Editing movie clips and using music to re-make movie trailers has become cliche. But it can still be fun. Rolling Stone magazine compiled a list of some of the best ones. Were "Dumb and Dumber" and the action/drama "Heat" actually gay love stories?


Is the fight over merchants saying "Merry Christmas" really worth it? It is if you're trying to raise money. Personally, I think it is silly and stupid for a store to make it a point to say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." However, it is not something that I believe is worth getting worked up over. When it comes to Christians as a group, there are finite resources (be it money, time, or political capital) that the church has to work with towards all causes that deserve our attention. There are much, much more important things to devote ourselves to than whether Wal-mart gives us the appropriate holiday greeting. I fear that for some of us, it makes us feel like we are standing up for the faith or accomplishing something truly meaningful when we make a fight out of such things. We seem to have largley succeeded in forcing businesses to say "Merry Christmas." My prediction: not a single soul will be saved as a result, nor will it have any actual affect on our society's long march toward secularism or general frivolousness (in my opinion the greater danger). So how important can "Merry Christmas" really be? I don't need Target to help me celebrate the birth of my savior.


Do economists agree on climate change? Yes.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

I've never really been into the Left Behind series. It's not because I don't like to read (I do), or that I don't enjoy post-apocalyptic pop fiction (occasionally, I do). Rather, the series lost any hint of credibility the minute that Kirk Cameron was cast as the main character in the Left Behind movies. (I know I've said this before, forgive me).

I understand that part of enjoying a movie is suspending one's disbelief. I choose to believe that a man of Sylvester Stallone's height (God bless him) could actually be a successful fighter because I want to enjoy Rocky Balboa when it's hits theaters this Christmas. However, a person can only suspend disbelief up to a point. And I can simply not believe that God would not take Kirk Cameron to heaven with him. Kirk Cameron would never actually be "left behind".

Having said that for those of you that are fans of LB, you might like to hear that there is a new video game being released that is based on the series. According to the New York Times, "Combines Tom Clancy like suspense with touches of romance, high-tech flash and Biblical references." Whatever that means.


Here is an interesting (and long) interview with Sly Stallone in which he addresses various details about his upcoming movies Rocky Balboa and Rambo IV, and also answers questions about past movies like, "For the love of all that is good and Holy.
How do you use the 3 seashells?!" If you understand what that question is referencing you are probably a male between the ages of 20-35.


For those of you who are familiar with Mars Hill Church (Seattle not that other one), the protest against Pastor Mark Driscoll has been called off.

If any ladies out there are considering going steady with Jesus, read this first.

Monday, December 04, 2006

My elbow skin got pinched by a mall santa

It's been a while since I've posted a blog. I'm going to try and be more consistent going forward. I can't believe it's alreay into December. I haven't even done anything Christmassy like put up a tree, go sledding, or distributing my annual "Santa's not real, or if he is he's probably dead" literature to local elementary schools.

A tip for all the men out there, if you are thinking of taking your significant other to one of those paint-your-own-pottery places, you need to know that you may be in there for several hours. I'm not saying (,Vanessa,) that I didn't enjoy it, but I sure wasn't counting on it taking that long. If you're like me and you are not artistic, you may make the mistake of thinking that you'll take the easy way out and simply paint a phrase like "Coffee is better than disease" on a mug. Unfortunately, painting all the tight spaces in and around letters is very time consuming. On the bright side, you can pass the time by amusing yourself (and probably only yourself) through asking the workers such questions as, "Are we allowed to paint anatomically correct images of ourselves?, or, if you're more daring than I was but share the same sense of humor, "Are we allowed to paint ethnic slurs?"

Depending on the individual and your current mood, this video will either make you cry, smile, laugh. I didn't laugh.

Here is an idea I wish I had thought of. Involves enterprising atheists. Unfortunately I just tried the site and the bandwith is exceeded. It is worth coming back to try at a later time.

If you instantly recognize this phrase, "I learned it from watching you!", you are probably a child of the eighties. And you might enjoy The 50 Greatest Commercials of the ’80s.

For the 'Curb' fans among us, this sounds like comedy gold!

If you are looking forward to 'Rocky 6' (and I am), then you might also be delighted about this sequel.

Finally, something for the global warming skeptics among us.